Preventing weight gain

It's workout Wednesday, I know, I know. But sometimes, even I get burned out on always working out. Do you feel me? So here's my super-duper ultra secret, given to me after I paid extraordinary amounts of money to a professional trainer. The info was probably on the Internet, but I failed to look.

Keto-Max by Release for life. It's basically minimizes the fat and carb absorption in the bod, thereby helping blood sugar levels. Take a pill 30 min before you eat so it has time to activate. Honestly, it's sort of like cheating, but being bad never felt (or looked) so good.

In this review of carb blockers, Keto-Max gets a 4 star. A whole bunch exist. I've never tried any. I went w/what was recommended and stayed there. To be honest, I rediscovered this last week after forgetting about it for 2 yrs. Boy, what a difference it's made in how lean my legs look. One day, no muscle striation. The next-I have definition!

In recent years, Ali and other body-excrement pushing drugs have hit the market, and from what I've learned, all that poop is seriously gross. For the uninformed, one has to be really overweight to use Ali. It basically causes the bod to get rid of excess amounts of carbs, so if you cheat, you spew like a duck out your back end.

Keto-Max does no such thing. Granted, it's not a panacea. But if you are trying to get rid of that last 5-10 pounds, are eating relatively well, but sneak in the bread here or there, this is your ticket.

Next time, I'll save the $ and go on line and read my next tip from some random girl's blog...

NW Salmon Dinner

You may not live in the Northwest or even ever travel here but no matter. You can get a salmon, fix it up in 5 minutes (are you noticing a trend in my life w/this 5 min thing), and serve an impressive feast. The side dishes take @40 min to prepare, but the result is an authentic Northwest meal.

Side note: do you ever have dinner parties? Even when times are good and pockets flush, dining in has the benefit of no interuptions, getting to know another couple or two and being in a relaxed atmosphere. This presumes no kids of course, if it's an adult thing, but now, more than ever, consider staying rather than going out. There is something really personal about opening our home to another couple--our way of saying...'we like you enough and are trusting you to come in to our home.' Just consider it.

I took this in a hurry so sorry it's not perfect.
The salmon is on top of the cilantro-rice (left) and asparagus/muschroom
risotto on right. Not that it's not evenly placed. This is on purpose. Some women
were vegan, and don't want the salmon part. By doing this, you can feed both
meat eaters but others can just take the risotto or the rice.

Last mo (on a Friday), I made 1 quarter of this for a veteran TV personality and her executive husband (a salmon afficionado) and the next day, made another quarter salmon for 12 women who came to the home for a spa day. This is the step by step....

  

The meal
King Salmon (a quarter will do)
Mushroom and asparagus risotto (both optional)
Fresh corn and cilantro rice
Asparagus
*I'll post these other items separately so it will show on blog subject listings

This family recipe has passed down from forefathers long dead. It works on any salmon.

Ingredients
2 lemons (more to garnish)
Dash (or mixed herbs)
1 large sweet onion
Dash seasoning
Raw coconut oil (not liquid. It's solid, usually found in the speciality aisle. I use this alot so get it)

Process

• Debone first then set aside.
• Line a lipped cookie sheet with tinfoil (lipped= it has sides, not flat, in case the juices seep out)
• Take 1 lemon, cut in half. Squeeze the juice from a half on the tinfoil
• Thinly slice the onion, arrange half on the tinfoil as well
• Take your Dash seasoning (a fast version of salt, lemon peel and other spices) and sprinkle on on the tinfoil
• Scoop about 3 tablespoons of the coconut oil and spread on the backside of the salmon. Add a scattering of Dash on it.
• Flip over (this is the side without the skin!) repeat (spread @3 tbls of coconut oil on the fish. Note-the oil is rather hard since its pressed. you may have to use the flat side of a knife. that's ok. won't hurt the fish). Add the Mrs. Dash
• Thinly slice the remaining onion and spread on the salmon.
• Slice the lemon and place on top of the onions (randomly. the goal is to have the natural juices from both onion and lemon seap in to the fish).
• Give the entire thing a smattering of kosher salt. While you won't eat the lemons once done, the onions have a lovely flavor.
• Take a sheet of tinfoil and match to the edge of the existing tinfoil.
• Wrap and fold all four sides allowing no air
• Place in convection bake for @10-15 minutes. This totally depends on the size of the salmon. Don't overcook. If that means you have to take it out after 10 min, do so, gently unwrapping the tinfoil (I can usually do this with my fingers. Tinfoil is nice that way).
• A helpful hint...when the salmon "cracks" then it's overdone. You want it to 'lift' or slightly spread but when it cracks, it's like an overbaked brownie and is dry and hard.

Straight from the boat and Rog's wet fishing outfit to home

This is a half of the 22.5 lb salmon. I cut in in quarters. For this recipe, I used a quarter salmon and it fed 12 women (with some leftover)

Preparing the sheet for the salmon

The white is a coconut oil. Looks gross but makes all the difference in the world. In fact, I repeated this meal a second
night for friends from out of town--the husband is a salmon freak. He said it was the best salmon he'd had in years--and wanted to know "the secret." It's the coconut oil. Trust me. It makes for a juicy, flavorful fish.

Adding the onions, lemons and seasoning

Fold down the tinfoil edges

All folded up and ready to go.
Again--I use 400 convection bake. You can use whatever you want--I just like the speed and even
cooking capabilities of my convection bake

For the finished product....

Let the salmon cool a bit--about 5 minutes



Forgot to note--I made the rice (on left) and mushroom asparagus risotton (right)
I placed it in front to transfer the salmon

Admittedly, my presentation was lame-- (people were already eating when i snapped this)....

Last call for Halloween

It's a Saturday night and I ain't go nobody...oh wait. I'm definitely not a man stuck in a 1970's doo-loop with Cat Stevens, but it sure feels like it. As 'the man' plays Gears of War, P-dog sleeps and I enter on my fourth hour of writing the sequel in my time-travel adventure, I'm burned out. So what do I do? I get spooky of course. And nothing says spooky like a....spooky halloween tree. Ever one to give advice for an party (kids or adults), here's the 15 minute, $sub-$50 dollar decoration sure to get you compliments.

The raw material. Cowboy tree is
temporarily hitting the range.

Start with a tree. Any tree will do, real or fake. If you have a fake one in the garage (or 18, like my cousin who decorates all of them in different themes for Christmas--yes, she has a sickness), or modify a overgrown fica plant, don't matter. Just get it. (I started w/the tree I've left up all year long in our dining room out of sheer laziness. I did however, try to remove most of the cowboy ornaments, since this is my designated 'cowboy tree.' yeah. go on. say it. I've lost my way).

Orange lights

Stream it with orange lights that can be had at Target for $3 bucks. I purchased 8 streams last year, this year, 3 were dead on arrival. 5 worked just fine. (side note: I thought I lost my mind in buying so many until I realized I streamed quite a few around the perimeter of my living room on the uplit section).

Gauze in grey and black--
wrapped another line on the bottom
after I took this shot

Get gauze from your party store, or, if you're going to be totally cheap about it, get some netting, dye it grey or black, rip it up and then start placing it back and forth in random patterns.

I spent $8 bucks on the a scary stream of ornaments. This skeleton string was from the local party store. It featured all kinds of ghouls, but also less frightening things like pumpkins.

spooky ghouls

The time it took eased my mind, released the tension in my fingers and gave me a renewed sense of vigor to go write about the taking and giving of souls through divine intervention (sorry. I have to be vague or the movie studio will freak). In any case, ghoul on. All the while, sing...It's a Saturday night, and I aint got nobody...and channel your inner Cat.

Relationship challenged? Try this

Before you throw in the figurative or literal towel on your relationship, try this. Start the day by recalling as many items that fall in to the category of grateful. 'What's the point' you ask, of reciting items of gratitude. Let me tell you. It begets a certain amount of appreciation. Here's how my list went..

I am grateful:

• I have a home (the recent Occupy Seattle-whatever-space-is-available protests depict folks living in tents)
• It has clean toilet seats (did you see today's data of public toilet seats? Mom always did know best)
• My kids are healthy (never been to the dr in 6 yrs for an illness. knock on wood)

Clean fannies and a roof aside, I was still a grump. I kept going, thinking about the morning's news.

Mom declined chemo so her child could live. Mom died
3 days after Dottie Mae's birth.

• I was able to have healthy children and live. (a woman gave her life so her child could live)
• We weren't robbed a few months back like our neighbor four doors down. Side note-Our quiet little row of 16 homes on a hill is nary a stones throw from the local Sherriff's office. Of course, had they tried to pry open the gate,  Rog was home alone, w/our pitpull and the guns were loaded (interestingly I'd just asked him to clean them yesterday). I feel badly for our neighbors, who had their door busted open and every bit of portable goods, including cash and jewelry, were taken. 45 yrs of acquired goods gone. This is potentially the only upside of our home with a street view--it makes it a bit harder for theives trying to jump the fence (their home was down a curved road and completely out of view from the street.
• We haven't had a natural disaster, drought or a heat wave, thereby giving us enough water and electricity.
• The large rock that rolled down from our pond didn't hit our driveway (whew)

I could go on, (and I did, for about another five minutes). It didn't take long for me to raise my thick head out of the ground, have a whole new perspective and say 'wow, I really am very, very blessed.' All in under five minutes. The grey on my day turned to a much nicer, warmer color.

My mom refers to incidences where we are saved from irritations large and small as life's tender mercies. The cynic in me refers to them as 'near-misses.' Whatever you call them, and whatever the impetus for the exercise, try it. Grey days are overrated.

Trunk or Treats: the free, fun family activity

For the last few years, I've avoided bringing up the Trunk or Treat phenomena to Rog, he of the "I-won't be-caught-dead-in-the-church-parking-lot," until we drove by one last year. It happened to be on the right, in the lot of a new Baptist church that resembles a modern red barn, with big beams, metal siding and really cool downlight that shines on the empty space formerly occupied by berries. (I have no problem with Baptists btw. I just wish they could have left the blackberries, since a local family of bears--mamma and 2 cubs-- feast roadside year after year).

In any case, the Trunk or Treat was packed. For those uninformed, it's a kid-version of a tailgating party, where everyone gets dressed up, and the car, or "trunks" are decked out like a Macy's Day Halloween party gone spooky. Seriously. Men in particular, go nuts putting in coffins with sounds, grey cloud-like mists billowing from half-cracked doors and twirling lights. The lighter versions feature graveyards or ghouls, all with candy in every direction.

"What's that?" Rog asks. I reluctantly tell him, waiting for him to spew some evil on the notion of trick or treating at a church. "That looks great!" he says, wondering aloud why we weren't going. Before I have a chance to kick myself, he then says, "too bad your church doesn't do cool stuff like that. I'd actually go."

Wha....??? I don't know who I want to kill first. Him for saying such blasphemy, or me for being too chicken to ask him.

At that point, I take off my gloves and give him the low-down on Trunk-or-Treating parties, finishing with "all the churches have them. Even schools and non-profits!" Around here, nearly every high school, junior high school, church and sometimes even community centers have the things. It's particularly popular when Halloween night falls on a school night, and the parents don't want to be out late. Furthermore, the haul of candy one recieves is HUGE. Some of these fallafal-selling-big-box-churches have lots the size of the Seattle Seahawks stadium, and are probably more full to boot! Making a trip around the safe confines of a TorT, especially when you know the folks, is awesome.

This year, Halloween is once again on a school night, and I just got the invite for our TorT on Saturday, 10/29, 5:30-7:30 (family friendly times indeed, thereby leaving the rest of the evenings to be enjoyed by adults). I for one, am very excited. I've started mapping out the neighborhood TorT's, determined to hit every station with the zeal and enthusiasm of hitting the high-density suburbs for the highest candy yield. No, wait....this is for the kids......the kids...

Exercise without Pain- - Chi Running

It's book review Tuesday, and appropriate time to talk about a recent read. My sis recommended this to me when I confided I was going to the dark side and starting to run on the treadmill vs walking. "What are the yogi's going to say?" she asked, her sarcasm nice and thick, like Vermont maple syrup in February. She was, of course, referring to my martial arts instructors (or who knows, maybe even the yoga instructors, those these two classes of bend-it-backwards professionals are often at odds with one another).

"Who cares?" was my retort, my personal desperation clear as a Maria singing The Hills are Alive through a megaphone. When I want to think, concentrate and sweat like a racehorse and be englightened all at the time, I'll do the martial arts practicing. When I want mindless, lateral movement where I can zone, running is where it's at.

"Get Chi Running. Now," said my younger, yet wiser sibling. To her great suprise, I did. Within two hours, I was running away on the indoor mat of pain, reading Chi running on my Kindle.

I'll cut to the chase. It's about how to run without injury, and I confess, I've never actually had a running injury. I ran distance all through middle and high school, stopping my 2nd year in college. Even then, I figured it was easier to meet guys at a gym while I was in some class wearing little nothings than on a solitary track that was oh-so-boring. My reasoning was flawed but it probably saved me serious knee, hip and angle injuries. 20 yrs later, as I take it up on an as-needed basis to preserve my sanity (and to the chagrin of my teachers who can always tell when I run since my joints lock up and I'm not as limber), I am ready to embrace a different way of running.

The skinny-- running heal to toe is bad. Running along the side, middle first is good. The front matter of the book (e.g. the first 50 pages) are really boring. I don't want theory. I have not time for that. Give me some pictures (the author says to skip to the pics if the text is boring--love an honest author!). I do. Great pics. Then I went back and read the text.

Chi Walking is also available, and I subsquently purchased this book, as I walk my dog several times a day. Liked them both. If you walk or run for exercise, I definitely recommend both. In one session of altering my running style (and the following week of testing it again) it was easy, more comfortable (I had doubts at first) and have absolutely no pain or joint aches at all. Amazing.

I love it when my sibs give me great advice. Now how about the career essentials I've been waiting for??

Stop talking & listen: getting to know you

After a week featuring the coma and death of my grandmother, strife and challenges in the workplace and a disheartening lack of news on the book and movie front, the last thing I wanted to do was entertain a bunch of strangers in a confined area featuring sub-40 degree temperatures. I dreaded the inevitable 'getting to know you questions' that the hostess is confronted with, and must in turn ask. After a nice slog of a protein drink, I decided to employ my husband's motto "you can't listen when you are talking." This is about as intellectual as "if you look up you'll see the sky," but whatever. A simple beauty resides in the simplicity of the obvious. The recent example involved an ice-skating rink, 25 adults give or take, and several dozen kids who have come together to support the cause of my daughter's 6th bday.

Where do you volunteer? (asked to a woman who self-identified she likes to volunteer), and then the follow up question...Does that take a lot of time during the week? The woman went on, telling me about her husband who is a part-owner in a restaurant chain, she volunteers at the school, still can't get in to the American way of life (European) but is now facing facts she may be here more than a few years. "I have to start making friends," she said, a grimace on her face. It sounds horribly pathetic, and the look of pain she had was truly as though a cork was going up her backside. I started laughing. I mean, what else could I do? It was funny. "You have done it now," I retorted, telling her she was on her way to having at least a half-dozen relationships.

How do you find the time to look so good? (asked to a woman who was obviously fit). She was clearly happy to reveal she works out six times a week and is preparing for a marathon. Thus begat loads of convo about running injuries, running in the rain, mental health....this then segued to the stress of her husband's job layoff (last Fri he was asked to a mtg at Nintendo and pink-slipped along with 30 other people. He's never been let go in his life and the whole fam is freaking...I could go on, but you get the point). In this case of course, a rather benign and well-intentioned phrase led to her spilling her guts to a complete stranger. I must have looked like the empathetic type (which I am) and a willing listener (which I was). Between handing out pizza and the cake part, she seemed to feel a little better after she off-loaded a bit.

Do you have more free time with (x) at school? (asked to a man that was there with his two sons). He said "yes! I work from home so this is great," he started, then he turned serious in a thoughtful kind of a way. "I was looking forward to the last one being gone, but now that he is, I really miss him." The tall, fleece-covered man went on confide he doesn't like the silence, his wife works a lot but they are grateful to be 'making it.' Indeed.

One woman, a pretty, short young thing with a blunt haircut looked miserable on the ice, but gamely went round and round with her daughter for nearly two hours. She talked to no one, ate little and nary offered up a smile. I couldn't take it anymore. As she was preparing to put away her skates and walk out, I was able to stop her and let her know I'd been meaning to tell her I loved the picture of her family I'd happen to see (my volunteer job was to cut about 100 laminated pics the children had prepared-arg). She was surprised, probably doubting my sincerity, until I detailed the photo (which she/or her husband had clearly given the child). It was a black and white, classic photo and she truly looked happy (unlike the present circumstances). She then revealed it had been a hard week and she was thrilled to get out of the house. (As an aside, when someone makes a leading statement like that, it's the tip of the iceberg on the problems of a relationship). I decided not to pursue this line of questioning, although I was interested, but it wasn't the right time or place. The good news was she knew that someone noticed and cared, and I got her to smile.

After my rather horrible week, the conversations bolstered my bruised mind and heart. It was a bonus  I was able to avoid the whole "what do you do for a living," fall-back question that wanted to rear its ugly, rude, American head. 

2 for Heaven....

"I'm in the Boise airport, my flight delayed because both Grandparents passed away..." Yipes! This is how the email from my flame-haired voice teacher began. I note the time: it was very late, this last Sunday night. "They'd been married 70 years," the note continued, "and passed away within 10 minutes of one another."

Whoa. I believe in Karma and all things universal, but I ask you this (those of you that are non-karma-believing-non-universal-type folks who still read my blog), don't you think this is more than fate? Something beyond coincidence? For the cynics (who shall not be named) no, they weren't in a car wreck nor did they suffer side-by-side streaker-induced heart attacks.

For a moment, I'm going to pretend I'm important enough to pen an essay for This I Believe (hey, if my writing can't get in to the Smithsoanian, I can at least pretend).

I believe in an Afterlife.
I believe we have spirits inside us that live beyond our physical bodies.
I believe the Great Beyond rewards good people by allowing them to die in their sleep.
I believe a couple who has lived and loved for 70 years is loved even more by God above.
I believe that couple didn't want to be apart more than 10 minutes.
I believe they gave each other a hug on the other side, and did a happy-dance in their youthful, spirit bods.
Furthermore...
I believe I've got my work cut out for me if I want to be married 57 more yrs.
I believe if I do, I'll be 100 years old.
I believe I don't want to live to be 100.
And finally...
I believe I'm thankful to know people who come from such good souls. Good stock breeds good stock.

The one regret

Isn't it odd that a person writes a biography so his kids can know him? I mean, changing the world is good and all that, but if the cost is your kids, was it worth it? Of course you know where the quote comes from, unless you are Internet-dense (which defies you reading this piece). It was Jobs quote from the last interview prior to his death.

"That would be failure," said Rog as he read over my shoulder, and I knew exactly why he said it.

One person who had a tremendous influence on Rog was his grandfather. He was a humble man of modest means, a lifelong railroad worker who had a bourbon everyday at 3 pm after his shift was over, saved his money, never moved from the first home he purchased and gave a chunk of cash to his wife when he passed on at 85. This was the man who taught Rog to play ball, earn a living, wash his clothes, and according to his grandson, lived by a few simple rules. Never cheat, lie, steal or be unethical. The thread of messaging included a universal karma rule that what comes around goes around.

Rog grew up, got several degrees and eventually landed at Microsoft, where he flew all around, gave lots of speeches and did quite well as a young man in his twenties. He saw this grandfather as much as possible, which was everytime he was in Denver, about every six months. Then his grandfather became ill, and Rog 'meant' to go see him. Everytime he booked a trip, an important business event arose that couldn't be put off or delayed. So it was that Rog recieved a call from his mother, 15 minutes before he was to go on stage to give yet another product presentation, that his beloved Grandfather had died. Rog had the plane tickets already purchased but had delayed the trip by a week.

"It's my one regret," Rog has said over and over during the last 13 years. He'd put business over family, and despite all his good training, he'd lost his way, if only for a short time.  "I wasn't always there for them, and I wanted them to know why," was the sub-title of the story on Jobs. Reading it outloud, Rog repeated the story of his fateful choice to me again, for the umptheanth time. He didn't need to, but I got the point. It's why he never misses a Father's Day school event, he attends the always-thrilling school skate-party and the Harvest Festival (all during the day I might add). It's the reason he spends the time reading stories then the ritual tucking in and extends the "just five more minutes" until our daughter drifts off to sleep. It's because the memory of what happened, and his choice, has haunted him ever since.

In all the glory being given an interesting, brilliant man, Jobs life legacy can teach us much more than the power of a cool gadget. 

Make it special

Know how to make an average meal stellar? Make it special. It's the little things that impress guests, not the massive event. Not making sense? Think about it this way. One can be organic and have style. It's not reserved for only gunnysack wearing, tree-hugging pilgrims.

Emile Henri ramikens, my fav

When considering a dessert, you don't have to make an 11'inch cheesecake. Instead, cut the recipe by 3/4 and make 4 small custard deserts that you can put in ramikens or in a pastry tin. It's divine, less effort, less expensive and is unique. Or, you can make a smaller cheesecake (vanilla) then customize the ramiken size half and half with chocolate.

If you don't want to spend 1-3 bucks for nice, white ones, do what I did the other day. While at Target, I noticed ramikens in brown and pumpkin orange. Sure, they lacked the quality--they were lightweight, not as heavy-- but at 4 bucks for 6, who could pass that up? I bought 4 sets--2 brown and 2 orange. Who cares if I only use them 2x a year? They were fun. The next day, I used 12 for a party wherein I put Chocolate mousse inside (see below) and the women raved).

Now, to be fair, Rog is insisting that I also include the fact that my ramiken of choice and standard at the house is not the white (though I have a boatload) but the Emile Henri red ones for $35/4. Yup. My splurge. Love them. High quality, rich color. Great for cooking.

Classic pastry tin.

Want to go a bit further? Make a quiche for Saturday or Sun brunch, have friends over. Instead of putting the quiche in a standard pie pan, make a quick dough recipe (or buy one), line cute pastry tins and make individual quiche. These are a buck or so at Sur La Table, come in an unlimited size and shape and are fun. If you want to get crazy, spend the extra $5 dollars and get mini-ceramic pie dishes. I have eight, four in blue and four in green. It's bigger than the mini tins but not so huge as the pie plate.

Men, I know what you are thinking...WThe...?? But seriously. You have fly-ties and golf horns, multiple pairs of skis and twenty-five baseball hats clogging the drawer. Do you really need to gripe over three stacks of different shaped tins if they give your wife the happy factor? Thought so. Do yourself a favor. Buy her some in advance of Thanksgiving. She may squeel w/glee. (And no, I'm not going reveal how many I have in different shapes and sizes. Let's just say I've diverted a lot of money by not drinking coffee).

Serve dessert in style-in a cool martini glass

Another way to spruce up dessert is with the simple mousse recipe I use time and again. I re-use it mainly because it's easy and cheap and can be customized to the preference of a guest. (e.g. with or w/out alchohol like orange, cream or other http://www.jrwatkins.com/jrwatkins/index.cfmflavor) and for some reason, gets rave reviews. It's seriously fast (<20 min) then put in the fridge. BUT...instead of using a boring bowl, get some cool wine glasses. I found a martini set of 12 glasses w/matching salad bowl. Though I don't drink martinis, I loved the glasses. The glasses were $6 ea, but I'm telling you, guests comment at least as much on the bloody glasses as they do on the mousse. (i couldn't find our exact ones--which are more squat, with a short base for holding, but this gives you an idea).

The little things...though it makes my husband rage on like a gamer on his last half-life in Gears of War 3, I spend $2 bucks here and there on little spoons. Extravagent? Not when I don't drink coffee, thereby saving at least $4 bucks a day. That's 2 little spoons from Sur La Table!! I've got a dozen of these things in red, blue, yellow and green. Great for stirring, sipping, eating and playing. (they don't offer this on line so you are out of luck on photos).

Simple things outside the kitchen that show your guests you care....having unique tissues in the bathroom for drying ones hands after using the toilet. Who wants to use a wet, soggy towel (gross), and it's lame to have a paper towel holder. Most local grocery stores have a section by the paper towels for napkins. Get the napkins of the season, spread it like a fan on your vanity counter, scrunch one up and put it in the trashcan (strategically placed by the sink) and you are golden. No more gross, wet towels, and you are a stellar hostess, all for $5 bucks. (btw, these are NOT the square kind, but long).

Another favorite find? J.R.Watkins products. They are organic but cool, sort of French-infused. I personally love the humor. The poop deotoarizer (for people that is) is called "Conscience-Clearing Power). Is that funny or what? I have this on the back of my toilet (by the books of Monet paintings). Trust me, when someone does their business in your toilet, you want to lend a virtual hand to 'clear the conscience' as it were. Why not do it in style?

Candles go a long way (unless your guests are allergic). Try these as a starter. The good news is that investments in little items (sans the towels) will last forever.

Little luxuries go big

Majestic she-dog channeling her inner turtle

There I am, lounging in my world of hot wetness (the tub), a nightly ritual after the kids are in bed and my body is healing from a bruising fitness splurge and what do I do? Read an article about how people are spending what money they do have. Unless your in the class of inheritors of billion-dollar ultra wealth (Fortune latest edition), you fall in the category of the unwashed masses, where luxury isn't a quarter mil on a wine collection, but blue Chanel nail polish  (Wall Street Journal 2 days ago).

I'm content that I'm not in either category until I get to the middle of the Fortune piece (sorry, it's not on line unless you subscribe), where it says the biggest splurge (of little items) are....pet halloween costumes.

A never-before seen turtledog

I blush, though in my own defense, I'm already hot, for I believe bathwater should rival an overheated hottub as a means of taking off the top epidural layer without the scrub. Two wks ago, about the time I wrote my blog on getting the right spookytime acroutements for the home, I picked up a $14 turtle outfit for my pitbull.

"The indignity she suffers!" said my mother, upon seeing my iphone pick of P-dog in her gettup. I think it's great. I mean, it's far better than little miss sunshine from last year. The way I look at it, the ever elusive land dwelling turtledog has been found.

As my mother says, "oh, the indignities P-dog suffers!" Good thing
she channels Jane Austen and has a great deal of forebearance

5 min to Perfect Eye makeup

Pre-make-up. Red and a little uneve. (ignore my hair eyebrows
in need of a plucking. And yes, the eyelashes r real. thx mom)

"I've had enough," said Melanie, my go-to makeup person for all things beauty. "I can't take your bad make-up any more." (To refresh, I hired Melanie from the Internet, finding her from Model Mayhem originally for a halloween party 2 yrs ago. She was so great, I then hired her for various charity events-doing the make-up of others-- when she finally spoke her mind). Was I affronted? Nope. I didn't even care. Ever since departing the great state of California for the netherworld of Washington, which is as far from fashion as one can get and still retain credibility, make-up has not been a priority. Covered under the hat, which is protected from a hood and then kept dry by and umbrella, what make-up is left after a rainstorm is completely irrelevant.

Step 1-undereye prep

"You should care," she continued, affirming that everyone (including some men) desparately need some makeup. She offers to prove it to me, since I am not inclined to take the time or pay for someone to tell me how to apply make-up that I no longer want to spend money on. 

Step 1a-tap undereye. Don't stroke side to side. Stretches the
skin. Yes, that old wives tale is true.

"You'll see," she says prophetically. Finally, after several months of dithering, I relent.

Necessary tool--keeps your products
clean, steril & your face free from
grubbies that bite

"You look beauuutiful," coos my daughter. My husband is speechless. The dog growls. I've succeeded in transforming what has become my fleece-ensconced dowdy self into a person that is still in fleece, but I look slightly better, at least from the neck up. Here it is, in all it's glory.

Guideposts that I told Melanie before commencing:
1. don't apply anything I can't buy from a store close by (e.g. a Nordstrom or Mac counter)
2. don't apply it in anyway I can't replicate
3. don't do anything on me that takes more than 5 minutes.

Step 2 Painterly pot from Mac

She was giddy like a schoolgirl. "Of course! Of course!," said she of the fantastical movie-studio make-up application. "If I can do it in a windstorm in Alaska in less than 5 and make a high-maintenance actress look great, I can do it on you!"

Step 2a Painterly using tool

Melanie asked me to bring what I had in order to show me what could and could not be done, and the difference. To Melanie's great surprise, I had nearly all the brushes, and even a few of the items from Mac (and other vendors). The good news? The make-up can all be had at Mac (now, I'm talking women like me--caucasion-- since that's all I can speak to of course), same for the brushes. But others should do.

Step 3a swipe paint on wrist. again,
keeps pot sanitary

Tip? Get someone with an aesthetician's license or something so you can get 40% off.

Women, you are once again the beneficiary of the pitty that my make-up artist friend had on me when she couldn't take it anymore. In 5 minutes, you can go from looking like a she-devil (me in the am) to having perfect looking skin that is rather natural. Before you read on and look at the pics, cut me some slack. I haven't had my eyebrows done in forever. That's the next step in this eternal process of beautification.

Step 3b putting on Painterly (I use my finger)

Step 3b after Painterly-note the difference!

Step 4- 'Mushroom'-- use a brush, apply to "set" the creme.
Applying this powder ensures it stays 12+ hrs

Note--Mushroom by Mac is an eye powder. Didn't bother with a pic. The color is not supposed to be dramatically different--and it's not. It's natural complexion color in my case.

Step 5- Another Mac Pot-- Brown

Step 5a Use a flat, diagonal edge
brush.

Tap the top and get a clean
line. Hold the edge of the eye.
Start from inner eye and draw across and
over. Lift the corner up 45 degrees.

Step 5-post liner. You are almost done w/the eyes

I'm going to pause here and point out something else. Note the eye with the liner. The eyelashes are now darker, and this is because I darkened the top, naturally blond with the tip of the eyeliner lash. Many artists use the mascara, but I don't like this method. It's goopy, no matter how nice the mascara (even the ever preferred Mabelline). Instead, use the top and brush it lightly across.

Step 6 Mascara application. See the difference?

Now that the upper eye is done, I'm going to work on the lower/under eye area. Start with the concealer. The primer is now set and ready to hold the cream concealer.

Step 7 Under eye concealer. Put on the wrist again.

Step 7a after under eye concealer

Step 8-Foundation.

A note here. Foundation from Mac is good (I've used all types-Dior, Chanel, etc). Bottom line-they are all a bit too heavy for my light complexion. It ends up looking a bit thick, but Melanie introduced me to what the pro's use. 2 different pro foundations that she mixed for me.

Step 8a-Foundation mixed

This is ths mixed foundation. I did the mixing prior, 80/20 light over dark.

Step 8b Foundation on the wrist

Step 8c-Foundation on one-half of my face, like Dr Jekyl &
Mr. Hyde (oh, and I fixed my right eye to even it out)

Step 9- Powder-using powder brush

Step 9a-Flat stroke (remember to tap the brush on a surface
like your wrist to dislodge clumps (yes, powder can get
on clumps on the brush)

Full face after powder.

Pausing here....did you pick up on the face I didn't bother put on any eye-crease darkener (between upper and main lids?), nor did I use bottom liner or put mascara on my eyelashes? Given the length of my eyelashes, and how dramatic such a simple application could be, Melanie told me to stop looking like Chuckee (as in, Stephen King's Chuckee) and forgo any bottom color. I agree.

Tip: When I want to go natural (yet clean and fresh) all I do is skip the liner. The benefit of an upper lip liner, according to Mel, is that it "brightens" the eyes, In other words, I look more awake. Not having the upper liner means I look a bit more natural.

The last thing to add then is bronzer. I have been skipping bronzer for years. Let's see if you can tell the difference.

Step 10. Bronzer by Mac. Note the brush. It's much thicker
than the powder brush.

Step 10a- Added the bronzer and Lips (we'll do the lips in another blog)
Can you tell the difference?

The last step now is the blush. Like bronzer, I've not been bothering with blush forever. I mean seriously, what's the point. Thankfully, Melanie told me I was an idiot, and showed me the way.

Mac Pallet--it's flat and magnetic on the bottom

This pallet has a bit of everything--Mel loaded me up with
a few blushes, some brown, white and blue eyeshadow.

A side note on this, pallets can be found on Amazon and alot of other places. You can then stock them full of a lot of little colors. Check it out. It's sooo much cheaper than buying the colors of the season--well, I recant. You should have both. The basics and then the fun, in season colors.

And...the final product. All these steps go really fast, believe it or not. I timed myself and it wasn't even 5 minutes.

Final effort-- can you believe the difference
5 minutes can make?

Summary Steps-15 steps to a perfectly non-made-up looking made up face!

Prep:wash and apply sunblock

1. apply lower lid prep
2. apply upper lid-Mushroom
3. apply upper lid liner (if desired)
4. apply eyelash darkener (or mascara) to top of eyelash
5. apply eyelash mascara
6. apply under eye concealer
7. apply foundation around face
8. apply transluscent powder
9. apply bronzer
10. apply blush

The lipliner etc will be in another blog.

Men, don't despair. In fact, you should read this blog for the very reason you like to look a woman with nice eye-makeup. Be a good man. Go buy your woman the list of products on this list and surprise her with the printout. She'd be so thrilled you are such an aware, sensitive male. (If you want to make it really easy, use a gift card. That's even better).

Product list for all light-skinned women (dark skinned and other--same basic steps but different products).

Mac Primer
Mac Painterly Pot
Mac brown (I also have a black as a side note for evenings)
Mascara
Visiora foundation(s)
Visiora powder
Mac bronzers....I couldnt find the orange container on line. Perhaps this is something only sold at the Mac Pro store...I'll ask Mel and get back.

Men--go get this for your best girl. Girls--have fun!!